Meaningless
by Alusa Smith
Summary: This is about a burn victim named Laria, who is forced to go to public school and she figures out how tough life really is, when you arent hidden by your parents, and about her struggles to achieve a normal life, despite her scars and burns and pain.


_Why is everyone staring at me?! I look normal, don't I? _I looked down at my perfectly smooth hands and my professional looking manicured nails. They looked pretty normal to me. And then I looked in the bathroom mirror to see a frightened looking girl with hardly any visible features on her face. _Who is this girl?! _I had never seen myself in a mirror before, my parents had forbidden it. Was it because the mirror showed hideously deformed images of yourself? Was everyone staring because they could tell how surprised I was with the "mirror" concept? I blushed a deep red and dropped my gaze to the floor. Why had my parents brought me to this school? We had all been fine with homeschooling me until this past year. What had changed their minds? Was it because I had no idea about the things out there in the real world? I had been away from people so long, I only knew my family and my best friend, Olivia. Olivia never stared at me like the other students were. Probably because we both had no possible clue what awaited us out here with other kids. My parents had chosen public school and Olivia's parents had chosen to continue to homeschool her, and so we were separated from eachother. I was away from my very best friend and in a brand new school with all these children staring at me straight on. Didn't anyone ever teach them that it wasn't nice to stare? What kind of a world was this? It was completely different from my old life. Now I was here, alone, and freaked out. Without Olivia, or Olive as I called her.

The only time I had been around other people was when the fire had happened in our old house and I had lost my younger sister, Andria. All I remember was the intense pain of the fire licking my face and neck and maybe even my waist. I can't remember. I've tried as hard as I can to block those memories out of my head. I had lost my sister to the fire that the neighbor's had started out of innocence. It had just started as a regular bonfire, until it got out of control and none of my family could get out. We were trapped and burning. Everyone had survived except Andria. She was the sunshine of the house before, then after her death, the house was filled with an eerie silence. We moved because no one wanted to be around those painful memories any longer and we wanted to be alone, where if anything ever happened, it would be only our fault. That's the last I remember of that incident. My parents never talk about it. I even had a cutting problem after that happened, because me and my sister had always been the best of friends. But I knew how to hide it so that wasn't was they were all staring at.

I took another look in the mirror and didn't understand who the person in the mirror was. She had a horribly scarred face, fire-looking burns had left a path all over her face and part of the girl's eye was closed on the side and you had to look close to notice the features behind the burns, because there were so many and they were so red. Like they still hadn't healed yet. I shuddered at the thought and looked back up to meet a bunch of curious eyes. They felt like they were looking into my soul or something. What was with the odd people of this town?! My face burned and I felt tears start to creep into my eyes. I had to be strong. I wouldn't let them scare me. I was here to… Actually, I had no clue why parents had sent me and suddenly I felt like I was spiraling into a depression. Everything crushed down at me all at once. I realized what I hadn't understood before. I was the girl in the mirror. They were all staring at MY burnt face. My scarred face. The only proof of that terrible fire on that meaningless day. That fire had ruined everything in my life and now everyone knew. That's why my parents had taken me away from the other children. I was different than they all were, though I never realized that. My parents had never owned a mirror because they didn't want me to see what I had become. What I was. I cringed and forced myself to look back into the mirror and peek at the girl. She stared back at me with wide brown eyes and she had long brown hair and those burns were mine. Those burns were ME. Now the tears were really starting to fall. They were streaming down my face and I hurried to hide my face from the others. They had no right to see me cry. A feeling of overwhelming emotions passed through me and for a moment I was afraid I might faint in front of all the others. That wouldn't be a good thing at all. I didn't need them to see that and wonder about me any further. I brushed my fingers across my face to wipe away the tears, but my frantic fingers met my scars and my curious fingers traced them. I felt my face become confused but I still was busy concentrating. The people wouldn't and couldn't keep their eyes off me, and I could sense their presence out of the corner of my eye. I really missed Olivia. If she was here she would have comforted me, stood up for me, and demanded to know what everyone was staring at. But she wasn't here. She was busy learning French with her two younger brothers: Danny and Alfie. And they would be sitting on the couch with their books and making funny faces at eachother like usual. You never really miss something until you find out you took it for granted and now it's gone from your life. So suddenly. She was there and I was here, the most miserable I had ever been since that fire that consumed my life and my family. I would never forgive fire for all that it had done to me. It could never be forgiven for the deeds it had done to my family and others. It must have done something like this to other people too!

Maybe I could find someone who had been through something similar to my accident. I scanned the crowd real quick, finding out that some people had finally stopped staring and were looking at another new girl, and slumped back down to the floor. There was no one that looked friendly or like me. I took another look at the other girl and then perked up. She was all alone too. Well, she was until all the guys starting swarming around her and asking her "out". What was this "out"? Were they going to go to dinner or something? This world was far too confusing for my liking. I would have to find someone to explain it all to me. Good luck. Looked like that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I jumped slightly as the new girl sat down next to me, looking as frightened as I felt, and then took a deep breath. These people were so quiet! How did they sneak up on me? I thought I knew all the sounds a shy person could make. I guess not. The girl turned to look at me, and she pursed her lips as if to keep from laughing. I suddenly became self conscious and I hid my face for the girl's view.

She touched my arm lightly and her facial expression became unbelievably soft and sweet. Like when a best friend comforts her best friend. Like she actually already knew me. Which was a complete and utter impossibility. I knew not a single person outside of my safe haven of people who kept me safe and content. I looked up at her and blushed a light rose color, but then my face drained of color when her eyes took in my odd face. She looked like she was pondering and quite curious about what had happened. I was not about to let down my block and explain this to a complete stranger, no matter who she was. But I did need a friend..desperately.

"Uhm..hello." I said without much emotion. "I'm Laria. Laria Winston." Why had a just told her my last name? That was too much information to tell a girl that I had just met 5 seconds ago. I sighed and waited for a response from her.

"Oh. I-it's nice to meet you, Laria. I'm Camille Anderson." She stated nervously. Like I was some freak she wasn't sure she could talk to. Like some emotionless little girl that had a weird scared face. I was the outsider. She certainly looked like she would fit in with all the guys. I glanced back at the boys and she seemed to read the way I looked at them. "Yea, I was really nervous when I first came here too. And it was so insane to have all those guys stare at me like I'm some..beautiful girl. What a joke." I looked at her face. She did have a nice quality to her face. No scars, that's for sure. "And I'm not like that." She continued. "I don't want to be the gorgeous girl who changes boyfriends every week. I'm not like that. I'm just an average schoolgirl that no one seems to understand." She looked down and bit her lip, as if to keep from crying. It seemed like we had quite a lot in common in the way we acted in various situation.

"Oh. I didn't think you were like that anyway. You just didn't seem like the type of girl who would do something as creepy as that. You look like a really sweet girl. I get what your trying to say. I'm extremely nervous. This is my first day at public school ever. I've always been homeschooled. So this is such a different experience from what I'm used to. And it doesn't really help when everyone is glancing at you without even trying to pretend they aren't looking, not just for the obvious reason. But because you have nasty looking scars that take up your whole face and practically hide everything about you." I stopped and looked down, expecting her to start ridiculing me.

"I think your scars make you look more unique from the rest. And I mean that in a good way too. They make your face stand out and uhm, I was kinda wondering if we could be friends. I know that I need some friends and I don't know if you do, but I was sorta hoping that we could be. But.." she added quickly. "I can understand if you don't want to be friends with a worthless little punk like me. And I'll understand if you don't want to be"

I gave her a quick smile. "I would love to be your friend. It looks like we need to stick together by the looks of it. And thanks for the compliment. Everyone was freaking me out because they were all like appalled by the way I look, well, except for you. Thanks. A lot. I really can't tell you how much this means to me. That you could get over the way I turned out.."

Now it was her turn to smile. "I completely get what you are trying to say. I was a burn victim too. Well, I think you're a burnee." She blushed. "Oh, sorry, that's what my parents called me when that happened to me almost..what?..two years ago..I think. And now it just sort of pops into my mind at the most inconvient moments. The back of my hands are badly burned, but that's mostly it." She turned her hands over to show me the thin line of pale streaks that crisscrossed her palms and wrists. "See?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm glad I found someone that actually knows what I'm talking about, but I'm sad because you had to go through the way thing as I did. And I know how devastating that is. Especially when you lose a loved one to the fires. Now that just brings the hatred for fire higher cause of the indention it made in the families. How fire sometimes splits families apart." I looked away, the pain growing sharper in my heart.

"I lost a loved one too. My grandma. She was my very best friend until the fire took her life, so yea, I do know how you are feeling. It especially hurts when everyone wants to know and they continue to bring it up no matter how many time you tell them it hurts." She looked away too.

I know exactly what you mean!" I started. "People always—" The rest of my sentence was drowned out by the sound of the ringing bell. Everyone else jumped to their feet and started grabbing their stuff, continuing to chat with the people in front and behind them, not really caring what the topic or discussion was.

Camille shot me a pained look and I mirrored the same. We both got up slowly and sighed. "Well, Oh, hey, show me your schedule. Maybe we will some of the same classes together." I gave it to her and watched her skim the list quickly and then she handed it back and smiled a brilliant smile. "We have 5 out of 7 of the same classes. Isn't that great?!"

I nodded and then looked at the directions and headed off to my first hour. Language arts. One of the only classes I didn't have with Camille. I started off toward the left wing and she the right. I waved once and then started on my way. School was going to be horrible, I was sure. And I still had my parents to talk to at the end of the day. I needed the exact answers to the questions that were spinning in my head. I think I at least deserved to know why they had sent me to public school. But, I was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't sure a bad thing after all. I know that school would be horrible but at least I had Camille to help me get through the day. We could discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being a..burnee. That was a funnier way to put it, so that it didn't burn as bad.

I was so deep into my own thoughts, that I didn't even realize when I bumped straight into an oncoming student. My things went flying everywhere and I bent down swiftly to pick them all up. It would not be too good if I arrived late at my very first day, though I had plenty of excuses that I could use. I looked up to find myself face to face with a young boy about my age. I blushed deeply and hurried on, muttering a quick. "I'm so sorry. Excuse me." He stopped me before I could go on.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you? You seem really familiar to me. " He paused to stare at me for another couple seconds and then his eyebrows furrowed. "I guess not. You really reminded me of someone that I used to know when I was younger. I guess I'm just having an odd day today. My bad." He chuckled and then looked down at my schedule. "Oh! You have Mr. Erntie with me right now! Oops! We better get a move on. He hates whenever someone is late." He didn't even hesitate, he just grabbed my arm and starting dragging me through the crowded hallways. I heard a couple of random "Ow!" "Hey!" and "Watch where you're going!"'s. Right as the bell rang, we busted right through the door and he flung me down in a front desk and then sat down behind me. I noticed that I was breathing hard and that everyone was, once again, staring. I tried to shrink in my chair as I thought, _Today is going to be a long day._

Today was hell. The whole day I got curious looks and questions about what happened. Like I really wanted to talk to other people about my problems, or issues as I heard one of the teachers whisper to his friend about. Grrr. This was not a good start to my week, or even my education. It was cruel. Sorta like the whole world was enjoying some sick joke about me behind my back that no one felt inclined to even pretend they didn't know about. They all felt pretty comfortable discussing me while I was around, even in hearing distance. Some sick, cruel, horrifying joke. Great, just great! I was like the class clown without even having tried. I was a big success..in jokes and tricks and whispering. Of course, no one came up to me and said anything to my face, they were too afraid too, so I guess that was a good thing. Then, while I was trudging home, and just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. It started raining. No, I should say pouring. And I had to walk two miles just to get to my trail down to my house., and then another three miles just to get to my house. I sighed and finally decided to just give up trying to keep myself dry. I could take a shower when I got home. And I really didn't think I could look much worse, though my scars always stick out more when they are damp. But the whole world was already laughing at me as it was and I really didn't think things could get much worse. But they did. As soon as I walked into the house my mom was there waiting, with a huge grin on her face. I scowled at her and went right past nearly starting to crying again. For the second time, I was crying. Today had just been a very tough and emotional day for me. I couldn't really say this day had been a total disaster because I had at least a friend, and that was as much as I was going to ask for. I wasn't about to get my hopes up and then have them tumble down around me as if to say they knew that I couldn't do this.

"Honey, are you okay?" My mom, Missy, asked cautiously, with worried eyes. I was always worrying her. I felt bad about it, but there was nothing I could do right now. I really just wanted to be alone. "Did your day go okay, or was it a bad day?"

I gave her one look and I guess she finally grasped that today had been HORRIBLE and I was not about to talk about it with her, especially not now. She nodded and let me pass in peace. I smiled slightly and gave her a look that said, Thanks Mom. I really don't want to talk about it now. She gave me a quick worried look and then turned back to making dinner. Yum, my favorite, it was macaroni and cheese. At least that was a plus to the day. I didn't even feel like demanding that my mom tell me about the whole thing today. I was exhausted. It felt like I wasn't even standing, just that I was about to collapse from the emotionally and physically dragging pain I'd felt today.

I dumped my stuff on my bed and then laid down on top of the covers. Life felt like it had no purpose, like the only reason I was alive was because of my parents. I think that's what my life has turned into. A complete nothingness. I curled up and let the tears come down my face again, leaving little trails everywhere they fell. I curled up and kept my knees at my chest. Then, the tiring day finally left its toll and I fell asleep to the steady beat of my heart. The last thing I remember was feeling my scars one last time, the depressed thoughts I had been thinking, and my heart. Then everything was black and I fell into a deep, restful sleep, finally. The day was over. The worst day of my life, was finally over and done with. It felt like a blessing.


End file.
